You Are Enough.
Last Friday I went to a party.
Despite the fact that I spent a full hour debating what to wear and another 30-45 minutes putting on makeup (I wore FREAKIN eyeliner for goodness sakes) I felt like the ugly duckling and like no one in the room had ever seen, let alone EATEN a chocolate chip cookie before.
Petite, beautiful, glittery girls piled in through the door one-by-one as I crouched behind it trying to find the rogue bp ball.
My outfit deemed trendy by 2 girls at the party. TY very much.
Let me set the record straight, this is not me fishing for compliments. In reality, I know I’m not the ugly duckling. Most of the time I’m Lizzo feeling good as hell and confident in who I am as a person. But I am only human and sometimes I have nights like this where I leave parties and try to explain to my boyfriend in the middle of Chinatown while holding back tears that little Becky at the party made me feel like I am not enough!!!!!! I sound completely crazy, right? Want to hear the even crazier part? This whole crisis I created in my head. I have no idea what those people at the party thought of me and the odds are much higher that they were probably too hungover on Saturday morning to remember I was even there anyway.
“What is the story you’re telling yourself?” - something my therapist repeats to me often and from there we usually see where we can fact check.
So let me give you the facts - I am a 25 year old woman, with a steady job plus a side hustle. I graduated from a great school, where I balanced a collegiate sport and good grades. I pay my own rent, electricity, gas and phone bills, I buy my own groceries and I cook my own meals. I have so many people in my life that love, care for, support, trust, root for and value me. And I have so many people that I love, care for, support, trust, root for and value right back. TO TOP IT ALL OFF… my outfit was complemented by 2 girls at the party, “very trendy,” they said.
Let me ask you this - How do you measure your self-worth? Is where you live or what your job title is? Is it how much money you make or how modelesque you are? Who deemed skinny as beautiful, anyways?
I challenge you to instead think of your self-worth as your ability to be a real person, to acknowledge and overcome tough emotions. Your self-worth is the soft part of your midsection, that holds too many glasses of wine with friends and ice cream that made those break-ups a little bit easier. It’s dollar pizza at 3:00 am and black coffee chats in the morning. Your self-worth is the cellulite on your legs that get you out of bed each day. It’s vibrant sunsets and seasons - constantly changing, fast. Our brains believe what we tell them, so when the self-doubt inevitably arises show it compassion and remember to hold on to your facts. You are enough, never forget it.